THE MEATMEN LIVE WITH LOTS OF JIVE. IT'S ALL IN THE ACT.
by Mike Gitter
Arena rock is not dead! In the Aryan male arena no one packs more of a power potent turbo belly slam than Tesco Vee and the Meatmen. Culling the excesses of ABBA, The Tubes, Judas Priest, MC5 and the Scorpions, this Dutch Hercules leads his Meatcrew—ex-Minor Threat guitarist
Lyle Preslar. Negative Approach bassist James Cooper on lead and drummer Eric Zelzdor—through their non-stop, non-stock, snarling cock rock with the deadliest of din.
None are safe from these studliest of studs as they unleash galIons of venomous spew on weak and defenseless targets, including retarded kids, lesbians gays, red necks, punks, metal heads, French people, dead Beatles and all others failing to measure up to their manly standards Proud! Brave! White! The Meatmen fill the jockstrap of modern culture as lesser men hide in shame. Skrewdrlver? The Cro-Mags? Swans? Sure, they've got respectable peckerage but face facts, Sheckie, only true men wield what this crew's got.
Meatdudes meld Pagan-style punk rock with enough Madison Square-sized trappings to make Rob Halford's sphincter muscle lighten in respect. Formed over nine years ago in Detroit's industrial wasteland by cock star and record collector exlraordinaire Vee, the early Meatmen, as captured on debut seven-inchers "Blood Sausage" and "Crippled Children Suck," pushed the limits ol excessive nugga nugga thrash-core.
Tours with the Necros, Negative Approach and the McDonalds spread their message of excess and debauchery all around the East Coast. "When you gel down to it," reveals Vee, 'The Meatmen started off as a hardcore band that couldn't play their instruments, all that well and developed into a hard rock bend that can't play their instruments all that well"
Tesco's move to Washington. DC, in 1984 hooked him up with guitar gods Brian Baker and Lyle Preslar (both ex-Minor Threatsters) and with Bert Quieroz (ex-Double 0). Together they recorded "Dutch Hercules," which pointed toward a harder rock delivery with such songs as "Wine, Wenches and Wheels," and the raging "Lesbian Death Dirge." Soon after, a reformed version of The Meatmen, featuring Baker and Preslar on the six strings, McColloch on bass and Zelzdor poundin' the skin*, made a vinyl debut with "War of the Supertaxes" {Homestead). It was the ultimate punk / metal / flamenco extravaganza. Baker's departure lead to the addition of guitarist James Cooper, who relocated to join the entourage, and subaaouemiy to the recording of the "Rock n Roll Juggernaut" LP {Caroline) A U.S. tour ensued, complete with costume changes, props and more onstage mayhem than one can shake a prepubescent post-punk booty at.
TESCO VEE ON:
Meatmen Philosophy: "'Sophomoric scatology with underlying savagery.' as one critic so aptly put it. Basically, we just keep the dream alive - which is, of course, to play Tokyo. When Hanoi Rocks played Tokyo, there were thirteen thousand people and three boys. Ii love those Oriental girls. Imagine me, 6-foot-6 getting inside a Tokyo subway. Hiya, kiddies."
Vee Vices: ''High powhered Japanese motorcycles, beer (imported, of course) in green bottles, record albums and big titties "
French People: "Suck"
Arena Rock: "People expect us to come out in torn up jeans and go. "You suck." and instead we come out looking like Tom Jones' opening act at Ceasar's Palace in Vegas. The sailfish bum-out at first, but after while they realize there we just totally party."
Punk Rock 1987: "A label as far as I'm concerned. I don't have any involvement with it and in the big cities it just doesn't exist. It's all been fragmented into the speed metal, speedier stuff. You pick up the teeny-bopper metal magazines with Cinderella on the cover and you see Agnostic Front and the Cro-Mags inside. There is no God."
Glam Rock: "Cinderella are the biggest bunch of dirtbag rehashers that have come down the tube in ages. Every one of their licks has been ripped off from a seventies rock album You have to appeal to the kiddies or you fall into the Al Jarreau CD market."
Vee Influences "I was weaned on Sweet, Thin Lizzy, Scorpions, Captain Beyond and all the glitter shit, so I was pretty happy when the rest of the guys wanted to move off into the world of shower rock."
Rock & Roll: "It's got to be bigger than life or who gives a fuck? The band Poison talks about going home and eating Hamburger Helper while watching Wheel of Fortune. The kids don't want to hear about that. They want to hear about Vince Neal going offstage and saying he needs oxygen. The kids want to know how many girls bands have dicked."
PMRC: "Wasn't it funny when they showed the Mentors album and Frank Zappa said, "I don't even know where you got that." I'm constantly walking a very thin line trying to rely on innuendos because I don't want to have those assholes coming down on me. I can say what I want without saying fuck or shit. People like Albert Gore and his wife should be shot."
R. Bud Dwyer: "What's the new drink? A Bud with no head on it."
Liberace: "I'm gonna miss him. Hopefully, I can get a piece of his action when they auction off some of those dead animals he used to parade around in. I wonder what he did to get a nut on? He probably got straddled inside a baby grand piano while a parade of Hollywood Hopefuls would walk in.
Tom Jones: "We met at Brooke Shields' birthday party. Graham told him he was the bass player in Ozzy Osbourne's band. The older I get, the more I get into people just like him."
The Future: "I just want to keep doing this and still keep having fun at what I'm doing. If that stops happening, I'm out of here like a hot potato. I'll trade notoriety for all the cabbage in the world. What I want to do is grab people by the nuts and say, "Wake up out of your ten-year stupor, asshole!' I have to touch their balls to do it, but that's the price you pay."
